Should You Talk About Your Ex On A Date?
Let’s be honest, it’s hard to go on a first date without mentioning your ex-partner especially if you’re divorced. It’s normal for the subject of ex-partners to be on the agenda but this doesn’t mean either you or your date need to dwell on it. The subject can be mentioned by all means but it certainly shouldn’t be the main topic of conversation during a starter, main course and then over dessert! Ex-partners is bound to crop up, after all, you might be sitting there having a drink with someone new and you both begin to open up about your lives. You discuss what you do, where you live, your children….oh, and then your exes.
That’s all fine but don’t make the mistake of sharing too much information about your previous partner. Being too open about your previous marriage or long-term relationship will more than always end in a disastrous date. It might feel like a good idea at the time but no one wants to hear about someone else’s old relationship in detail the first time they meet. No one wants to know how he or she made you feel after they went off with your best friend. No one wants to hear about their terrible habits or their miserly ways….a date should be light-hearted and fun, not heavy going or a therapy session! At Next Love we’ve conducted extensive research on the subject and we’re convinced that talking extensively about ex-partners on a date or in the early stages of a relationship should be very light and never in too much detail.
There’s A Time & A Place…
We’re not saying don’t ever talk about your ex when you’re dating because how can you possibly be honest with someone new if you keep information from them? You can’t but that doesn’t mean you have to spill your heart out to someone new on date number one or indeed dates number two, three or four and so on. Dating is about enjoying each other’s company, not sitting in a counselling session. You need to find the right balance in what you disclose and what you withhold for a later date. We’re also not suggesting you keep secrets from your potential new partner but what we are saying is, there is a time and a place for everything. A romantic dinner for two should be exactly that, wonderfully romantic with easy, flowing conversation, plenty of flirtation, laughter and definitely no analysis of previous relationships!
You’ll Know The Right Time
If you divulge too much information about your past relationship it leads to more and more questions. The answers to those questions can be uncomfortable or lead to misinterpretation; this could kill a potential new relationship. So carefully choose the time when you discuss elements of your past relationship. Let’s look at it this way. If you are in a bar and someone buys you a drink that doesn’t mean they want to hear your life story including all about your divorce! We’re sure that if you’re that guy buying a lady a drink you don’t want to hear it – it’s just a drink after all; you’re out to have fun and maybe meet someone! However, if that drink leads to a second date and on that second date you have so much fun it leads to a third and then a fourth etc., at some point you will both need to talk about past relationships. This also doesn’t mean you need to go into huge detail or over-share. You can be as basic as you want until you feel you need to share more and as is usually the case, you’ll know when the time is right. That time comes when your date begins to transform into a longer term partner.
So, when you are dating after divorce, remember to have plenty of fun and enjoy getting to know someone. If you’re asked about your ex-husband or ex-wife, answer the question without divulging too much and don’t ask your date about their ex if you can avoid it. The danger is if you do start to dwell on the topic it will soon turn out to be a heart-wrenching meeting which will almost certainly turn off your date. If you wanted a second date, you most likely won’t get another. Keep it light, keep it fun and start making new memories.